what now.. leave them alone, or try one last time?..

I literally do not what to do anymore.. I and working day and night to finish it so it can be available in the app/android shops.. free of course.. although I’m pretty sure I can’t live here forever, she’s the most wonderful darling landlady.. but in the end, it is a business.

I actually have thought and accepted that my time has come..nI’m getting sloppier with hiding my identity, we’re heading into another lockdown.. I hugged my friend today because he was leaving the country .. the first of human engagement since march. That’s pretty sad.

This isn’t a pity party, I know my past (and maybe you know some as well), I regret nothing. It made me who I am today.. Still lonely and no contact with my family.. if you saw may last post.. yeah.. I’ll survive..

It’s just this time.. I don’t know if I want to. I’m not being dramatic or anything. But I feel link I’m ready. I am ready.

I’m manipulative, conniving, very good at lying, I could fool chicken to buy an egg and very observant. These are (I’m not even going to call them characteristics), traits that would make me perfect for the job that i want.

but when these same traits are taken and used against me by my own family.. it doesn’t matter what I say, it’s always some sort psychological game, because I studied that and certain people can’t let go of that..

You might be thinking now.. you can choose your family, if they mistreat you.. you don’t need them, you’ve got your own friends..

Sad thing is.. I have no friends, one wifi I don’t even think I can call a friend anymore because during my breakdown, apparently things that can never be forgotten.. I bet self-harm.. and some cutting, not enough to kill me but yeah.. enough to feel something.. though me not know what was said eats away at me.. since 12 years old we were inseparable. Then this. I don’t know what. But my family has basically told me I’m grown up enough to take care of myself.

My Other friend is married and about to have a baby. I would never spread my negativity around that.

I’m ready.

I literally do not what to do anymore.. I and working day and night to finish it so it can be available in the app/android shops.. free of course.. although I’m pretty sure I can’t live here forever, she’s the most wonderful darling landlady.. but in the end, it is a business.

I actually have thought and accepted that my time has come..nI’m getting sloppier with hiding my identity, we’re heading into another lockdown.. I hugged my friend today because he was leaving the country .. the first of human engagement since march. That’s pretty sad.

This isn’t a pity party, I know my past (and maybe you know some as well), I regret nothing. It made me who I am today.. Still lonely and no contact with my family.. if you saw may last post.. yeah.. I’ll survive..

It’s just this time.. I don’t know if I want to. I’m not being dramatic or anything. But I feel link I’m ready. I am ready.

I’m manipulative, conniving, very good at lying, I could fool chicken to buy an egg and very observant. These are (I’m not even going to call them characteristics), traits that would make me perfect for the job that i’ve always wanted.

but when these same traits are taken and used against me by my own family.. it doesn’t matter what I say, it’s always some sort psychological game, because I studied that and certain people can’t let go of that..

You might be thinking now.. you can choose your family, if they mistreat you.. you don’t need them, you’ve got your own friends..

Sad thing is.. I have no friends, one wifi I don’t even think I can call a friend anymore because during my breakdown, apparently things that can never be forgotten.. I bet self-harm.. and some cutting, not enough to kill me but yeah.. enough to feel something.. though me not know what was said eats away at me.. since 12 years old we were inseparable. Then this. I don’t know what. But my family has basically told me I’m grown up enough to take care of myself.

My Other friend is married and about to have a baby. I would never spread my negativity around that.

I’m ready.

 

xx- anon

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